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Turn Taking in Early Childhood: What to Expect and How to Support It

Writer: Melissa Martinet
Melissa Martinet
Oct 12
6 min read

If you've ever watched your toddler grab a toy from another child's hands, insist everything is "mine," or completely melt down because it wasn't their turn yet, you're certainly not alone.


Turn taking might seem like a simple skill, but for young children, there's a lot happening beneath the surface. Learning to take turns involves communication, patience, emotional regulation, and understanding that other people have wants and needs, too. These skills don't develop overnight. They're built gradually through everyday interactions, play, and plenty of practice.


What's Really Happening Beneath the "My Turn!" Moments?

Imagine being completely focused on something you love, only to have someone tell you to stop and let another person use it. You might understand why, but that doesn't necessarily mean you want to!


Now imagine experiencing that same situation without the language, patience, or emotional regulation skills you've developed as an adult.


To successfully take turns, children need to recognize that another person is participating, understand waiting, communicate their needs, and manage frustration. These abilities are closely connected to developing executive functioning skills, including impulse control and cognitive flexibility (Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, 2014).


When a child struggles to wait, it doesn't automatically mean they're being selfish or stubborn. Often, they're still developing the skills that make turn taking possible.


Turn Taking and Sharing Aren't Quite the Same Thing

We often use the words sharing and turn taking interchangeably, but they're different skills.


Sharing involves offering or using materials together, while turn taking involves alternating opportunities to use something or participate in an activity.


One of my favourite ways to think about this comes from early childhood educator Kristen Peterson, who encourages adults to reconsider their expectations around sharing.


Imagine you're sitting on the couch reading a really good book, and another adult walks over and tells you it's their turn to read it. Or you're using your phone, and someone decides you've had enough time with it and need to hand it over. Would you happily give it up simply because someone else wanted a turn?


Probably not! So why do we sometimes expect young children to do exactly that with something they're deeply engaged in?


It's a helpful reminder that teaching children to take turns doesn't have to mean interrupting their play or forcing them to give up something before they're finished. We can acknowledge the needs of both children while helping them learn to wait, communicate, and respect one another's play.


Peterson explores these developmentally appropriate expectations in her discussion of sharing on Child Care Bar and Grill (2022).


What Turn Taking Looks Like as Children Grow

Turn taking develops alongside communication, social awareness, and the stages of play.


Understanding what's generally appropriate at different ages can help us adjust our expectations (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention [CDC], 2026).


Birth to 2 Years: Building the Foundation

Long before children understand "your turn," they're participating in back-and-forth interactions. A baby babbles, and you respond. They smile, and you smile back. You roll a ball towards your toddler, and they push it back. These early serve-and-return interactions help build the foundations for communication, relationships, and later social skills (Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University, n.d.).


2 to 3 Years: Beginning to Understand Turns

Toddlers are becoming increasingly aware of other children while developing a strong sense of independence and ownership. You might hear a lot of "mine!" during this stage. They may begin to understand simple phrases like "my turn, your turn," but waiting can still be difficult.


Parallel play, where children play alongside one another without necessarily playing together, is common, and adult guidance is often needed.


3 to 4 Years: Practising Through Play

As children become more interested in interacting with peers, opportunities for turn taking naturally increase. They may participate in simple board games, collaborative building, and pretend play where everyone has a role. You'll likely notice an improving understanding of whose turn comes next, although excitement and frustration can still make waiting challenging.


4 to 5 Years: Growing Patience and Flexibility

Many children are becoming more comfortable with simple games involving rules, waiting, and alternating turns. They may begin negotiating with peers, suggesting solutions, and understanding that someone else having a turn doesn't mean they're losing their own opportunity. However, even children who usually take turns successfully may struggle when they're overwhelmed or particularly invested in an activity.


Remember, these ages are general developmental guides, not deadlines. Children develop at different rates, and the environment, relationships, and emotions involved can all influence how successfully they manage taking turns.


Simple Ways to Support Turn Taking at Home

The best opportunities to practise turn taking often happen during everyday play. You don't need complicated activities or structured lessons.


1. Start With Back-and-Forth Play

For babies and younger toddlers, begin with rolling a ball, passing a soft toy, copying facial expressions, or taking turns making sounds. These interactions introduce the idea that play and communication involve more than one person. As your child becomes familiar with the exchange, introduce simple language like "my turn" and "your turn."


2. Build Something Together

Blocks, magnetic tiles, and stacking toys offer opportunities for practising short turns. You place one block, then your child places one. For younger children, keep the waiting period short. Older children can begin planning what to add next or deciding together which pieces to use.


3. Play Games With Predictable Turns

Simple board games, matching games, and card games can help children practise waiting within a predictable structure. Choose games that match your child's abilities and keep the experience playful. If waiting for several players feels overwhelming, start with just two and gradually increase the challenge.


4. Make Waiting More Understandable

Young children don't experience time the same way adults do. Instead of saying "wait five minutes," try making turns more concrete: "You can have a turn after I roll the ball three times." Visual timers can also be helpful when an activity requires alternating turns, although children don't always need to stop meaningful play simply because a timer finishes.


5. Model What Waiting Looks Like

Children learn by watching us. Narrating your own experiences helps make this invisible skill more understandable. Try saying, "I'm waiting for my turn. I really want to go next, but I can wait." You can also demonstrate how to ask for a turn, respond when someone isn't finished, or find something else to do while waiting.


What About When They Refuse to Take Turns?

Sometimes, despite all the modelling and practice, your child simply doesn't want to give up the toy. This is where understanding development can change how we respond.


Before immediately insisting they hand something over, consider what they're experiencing. Are they deeply engaged in play? Are they tired, hungry, or overwhelmed? Do they understand what's being asked of them?


Instead, you might say, "I can see you're still playing with the truck. Sam would like a turn when you're finished. Let's help him find another truck while he waits."


Or, when your child is the one waiting, "You really want that truck. It's hard to wait when you're excited. Sam is using it right now. Let's find something you can play with until he's finished."


Supporting turn taking doesn't mean allowing children to grab toys or ignoring another child's needs. It means helping children learn respectful ways to navigate these moments without expecting skills they haven't fully developed yet. When emotions become overwhelming, connection and co-regulation may need to come before teaching.


It's About More Than Taking Turns

When we think about turn taking, we often picture children waiting for a slide or passing a toy back and forth. But these experiences are also helping children learn to participate in conversations, collaborate, navigate disagreements, and recognize different perspectives.


And while it's tempting to measure progress by how willingly a child gives up a toy, there's so much more to notice. Maybe your toddler waited a little longer than yesterday. Maybe your preschooler asked for a turn instead of grabbing. Maybe your child was frustrated but accepted your support. Those are meaningful steps forward.


Turn taking isn't about raising a child who always gives up what they're using. It's about helping them develop the communication, flexibility, and emotional skills to build relationships with others.


Keep Exploring Your Child's Development

You can explore our Birth to 5 Milestone Guide to better understand how communication, social-emotional development, and play skills grow throughout early childhood.

Looking for more practical support? Explore our Free Resources, Blog, or Parent FIELD Courses.


Because supporting development isn't about rushing children towards the next skill. It's about understanding where they are and helping them grow from there.


References


It's continuing to share life with them... one conversation at a time.


Explore more on early childhood development, and how to support your child's milestones:

@theparentfield


The information shared on this blog is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical, professional, or legal advice. We are not healthcare professionals. Always consult with a qualified professional regarding your child or family's specific needs. Use of this information is at your own discretion. For full details, please visit our Legal page.

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